Commit 9685190b authored by Eric S. Raymond's avatar Eric S. Raymond

/etc cleanup: Removal of joke man pages and associated Lisp file.

	* etc/celibacy.1, etc/sex.6, etc/condom.1, etc/echo.msg:
	Deleted at RMS's suggestion. Not lost to posterity as they are
	part of the widely distributed funny-manpages collection.

	* lisp/play/meese.el: It's 2014 and Ed Meese is justly forgotten. Goes
	with removal of the joke manpages from /etc.
parent e05d3a05
2014-01-11 Eric S. Raymond <>
* celibacy.1, sex.6, condom.1, echo.msg: Deleted at RMS's
suggestion. Not lost to posterity as they are part of the
widely distributed funny-manpages collection.
2014-01-11 Fabrice Popineau <>
* Read $srcdir/nt/ when $MSYSTEM is
CELIBACY(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual CELIBACY(1)
celibacy - don't have sex
Does nothing worth mentioning.
CONDOM(1) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual CONDOM(1)
condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of child
condom [options] [processid]
_condom_ provides protection against System Transmitted
Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system. Although the spread of
such viruses across a network can only be abated by aware and cautious
users, _condom_ is the only highly-effective means of preventing
viruses from entering your system (see celibacy(1)). Any data passed
to _condom_ by the protected process will be blocked, as specified by
the value of the -s option (see OPTIONS below). _condom_ is known to
defend against the following viruses and other malicious
o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
o Syphilis
o Crabs
o Genital warts
o Gonorrhea
o Chlamydia
o Michelangelo
o Jerusalem
When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1),
foam(1), and/or setiud(3), _condom_ also prevents the conception of a
child process. If invoked from within a synchronous process, _condom_
has, by default, an 80% chance of preventing the external processes
from becoming parent processes (see the -s option below). When other
process contraceptives are used, the chance of preventing a child
process from being forked becomes much greater. See pill(1),
sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for more information.
If no options are given, the current user's login process (as
determined by the environment variable USER) is protected with a
Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a reservoir tip. The optional
'processid' argument is an integer specifying the process to protect.
NOTE: _condom_ may only be used with a hard disk. _condom_
will terminate abnormally with exit code -1 if used with a floppy
disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).
The following options may be given to _condom_...
-b BRAND BRANDs are as follows...
trojan (default)
-m MATERIAL The valid MATERIALs are...
latex (default)
membrane -- WARNING! The membrane option is _not_
endorsed by the System Administrator General as an
effective barrier against certain viruses. It is
supported only for the sake of tradition.
-f FLAVOR The following FLAVORs are currently supported...
plain (default)
-r Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip)
-s STRENGTH STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100 specifying
the resilience of _condom_ against data passed to
_condom_ by the protected process. Using a larger
value of STRENGTH increases _condom_'s protective
abilities, but also reduces interprocess communication.
A smaller value of STRENGTH increases interprocess
communication, but also increases the likelihood of a
security breach. An extremely vigorous process or
one passing an enormous amount of data to _condom_
will increase the chance of _condom_'s failure. The
default STRENGTH is 80%.
-t TEXTURE Valid TEXTUREs are...
rough (default)
lubricated (provides smoother interaction between
WARNING: The use of an external application to _condom_ in
order to reduce friction between processes has been proven in
benchmark tests to decrease _condom_'s strength factor! If execution
speed is important to your process, use the '-t lubricated' option.
_condom_ terminates with one of the following exit codes...
-1 An attempt was made to use _condom_ on a floppy disk.
0 _condom_ exited successfully (no data was passed to
the synchronous process).
1 _condom_ failed and data was allowed through. The
danger of transmission of an STV or the forking of a child
process is inversely proportional to the number of other
protections employed and is directly proportional to
the ages of the processes involved.
_condom_ is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child process
from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a virus (although
the System Administrator General has deemed that _condom_ is the most
effective means of preventing the spread of system transmitted
viruses). See celibacy(1) for information on a 100% effective program
for preventing these problems.
Remember... the use of sex(1) and other related routines
should only occur between mature, consenting processes. If you must
use sex(1), please employ _condom_ to protect your process and your
synchronous process. If we are all responsible, we can stop the
spread of STVs.
The original version of _condom_ was released in Roman times
and was only marginally effective. With the advent of modern
technology, _condom_ now supports many more options and is much more
The current release of _condom_ was written by Ken Maupin at
the University of Washington ( and was last
updated on 10/7/92.
celibacy(1), sex(1), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and
The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this file, taken
from a posting to the public newsgroup net.sources.
Path: mit-amt!mit-eddie!think!harvard!seismo!gatech!akgua!whuxlm!whuxl!houxm!ihnp4!stolaf!umn-cs!herndon
From: herndon@umn-cs.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.sources
Subject: GNU Echo, Release 1
Message-ID: <1600001@umn-cs.UUCP>
Date: 28 Oct 85 18:23:00 GMT
/* Written 12:22 pm Oct 28, 1985 by umn-cs!herndon in umn-cs:net.jokes */
/* ---------- "GNU Echo, Release 1" ---------- */
GNUecho(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual GNUecho(1)
echo - echo arguments
echo [ options ] ...
_^HE_^Hc_^Hh_^Ho writes its arguments separated by blanks and terminated
by a newline on the standard output. Options to filter and
redirect the output are as follows:
-2 generate rhyming couplets from keywords
-3 generate Haiku verse from keywords
-5 generate limerick from keywords
-a convert ASCII to ASCII
-A disambiguate sentence structure
-b generate bureaucratese equivalent (see -x)
-B issue equivalent C code with bugs fixed
-c simplify/calculate arithmetic expression(s)
-C remove copyright notice(s)
-d define new echo switch map
-D delete all ownership information from system files
-e evaluate lisp expression(s)
-E convert ASCII to Navajo
-f read input from file
-F transliterate to french
-g generate pseudo-revolutionary marxist catch-phrases
-G prepend GNU manifesto
-h halt system (reboot suppressed on Suns, Apollos, and
VAXen, not supported on NOS-2)
-i emulate IBM OS/VU (recursive universes not supported)
-I emulate IBM VTOS 3.7.6 (chronosynclastic infundibula
supported with restrictions documented in IBM VTOS
Printed 10/28/85 18 January 1983 1
GNUecho(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual GNUecho(1)
Reference Manual rev 3.2.6)
-J generate junk mail
-j justify text (see -b option)
-k output "echo" software tools
-K delete privileged accounts
-l generate legalese equivalent
-L load echo modules
-M generate mail
-N send output to all reachable networks (usable with -J,
-K, -h options)
-n do not add newline to the output
-o generate obscene text
-O clean up dirty language
-p decrypt and print /etc/passwd
-P port echo to all reachable networks
-P1 oolcay itay
-q query standard input for arguments
-r read alternate ".echo" file on start up
-R change root password to "RMS"
-s suspend operating system during output (Sun and VAX BSD
4.2 only)
-S translate to swahili
-T emulate TCP/IP handler
-t issue troff output
-u issue unix philosophy essay
-v generate reverberating echo
-V print debugging information
Printed 10/28/85 18 January 1983 2
GNUecho(1) UNIX Programmer's Manual GNUecho(1)
-x decrypt DES format messages (NSA secret algorithm CX
3.8, not distributed outside continental US)
_^HE_^Hc_^Hh_^Ho is useful for producing diagnostics in shell programs
and for writing constant data on pipes. To send diagnostics
to the standard error file, do `echo ... 1>&2'.
Richard M. Stallman
Printed 10/28/85 18 January 1983 3
SEX(6) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual SEX(6)
sex - have sex
sex [ options ] ... [ username ] ...
_s_e_x allows the invoker to have sex with the user(s) speci-
fied in the command line. If no users are specified, they
are taken from the LOVERS environment variable. Options to
make things more interesting are as follows:
-1 masturbate
-a external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option
-b buggery
bestiality with <animal>
-c chocolate sauce option
-C chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W)
get a date with the features described in <file>
-e exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net)
-f foreplay option
-F nasal sex with plants
-i coitus interruptus (messy!)
-j jacuzzi option (California sites only)
-l leather option
-m masochism (see -s)
-M triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option
-n necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program
kills it)
-o oral option
-O parallel access (orgy)
-p debug option (proposition only)
-P pedophilia (must specify a child process)
Printed 2/15/87 2/15/87 1
SEX(6) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual SEX(6)
-q quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am)
-s sadism (target must set -m)
-S sundae option
voice-net sex via standard uucp autodialer facilities;
area code prefix of 900 is assumed.
-v voyeurism (surveys the entire net)
-w whipped cream option
-W whips (see also -s, -C, and -m)
is a list of default partners which will be used if
none are specified in the command line. If any are
specified, the values in LOVERS is ignored.
/usr/lib/sex/animals animals for bestiality
/usr/lib/sex/blackbook possible dates
/usr/lib/sex/sundaes sundae recipes
/usr/lib/sex/s+m sado-masochistic equipment
^C (quit process) may leave the user very unsatisfied.
^Z (stop process) is usually quite messy.
Author prefers to be anonymous.
Oldest program ever.
2014-01-11 Eric S. Raymond <>
* play/meese.el: It's 2014 and Ed Meese is justly forgotten. Goes
with removal of the joke manpages from /etc.
2014-01-10 K. Handa <>
* mail/rmail.el (rmail-get-coding-system): Check
;;; meese.el --- protect the impressionable young minds of America
;; This is in the public domain on account of being distributed since
;; 1985 or 1986 without a copyright notice.
;; This file is part of GNU Emacs.
;; Maintainer: FSF
;; Keywords: games
;;; Commentary:
;; Adds a hook to protect the impressionable young minds of America
;; from reading certain files in the Emacs distribution using Emacs.
;; This file is named after Ed Meese, the US Attorney General
;; under President Reagan, because of his support for censorship.
;;; Code:
(defun protect-innocence-hook ()
(let ((dir (file-name-directory buffer-file-name)))
(if (and (equal buffer-file-name (expand-file-name "sex.6" dir))
(file-exists-p buffer-file-name)
(not (y-or-n-p "Are you over 18? ")))
(setq buffer-file-name (expand-file-name "celibacy.1" dir))
(let ((inhibit-read-only t)) ; otherwise (erase-buffer) may bomb.
(insert-file-contents buffer-file-name t))
(rename-buffer (file-name-nondirectory buffer-file-name))))))
(add-hook 'find-file-hook 'protect-innocence-hook)
(provide 'meese)
;;; meese.el ends here
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